Ok, so I went to the ballet on Friday night. The classical ballet company here in Seattle, Pacific Northwest Ballet, to see the ballet version of one of my favorite stories of all time: Romeo and Juliet. Although, when purchasing tickets, I was quite surprised to see the title written in a French version of Romeo et Juliette, and that should have been my first clue that this would not be the story I know and love. But my dumbass ignored that sign, and went to McCaw Hall expecting to be taken on an emotion filled journey of love and tragedy as only the two young lovers conjured out of Shakespeare’s imagination could take me. And oh, how disappointed I was.
This piece takes place in two acts, with one intermission and a pause halfway through the second act. FYI, there will be spoiler alerts to both story and design, so if you plan to go see this monstrosity to form your own opinion and want to be surprised, then stop reading now.
Anyway, back to this show, so the first act started out all kinds of weird. Friar Laurence, danced by Miles Pertl starts the show with two acolytes dancing with him and starts the show as if remembering the story of Romeo et Juliette, with odd, jarring choreography that didn’t sit well on Mr. Pertl’s body. One of the acolytes danced much stronger than him, so the casting seemed off right out the gate.
Then we move in to the street scene to introduce our hero, his two buddies Mercutio and Benvolio, as well as the antagonist, Tybalt. This scene followed the standard story with the Capulets and Montagues picking at each other and provoking each other. Although, in the dance world this was shown mostly through sad, pathetic shoving of each other. Whether it was women shoving women, or men shoving men, the force of the shoves was laughable, the overacting of the ones being shoved made my eyes roll every time they ‘fell’ or ‘stumbled’, and yes I’m using quotes because it was that poorly acted. There were no weapons to be seen on any of the men, no daggers or swords, which given the amount of falling down from everyone, I get that choice, but definitely foreshadowed problems to come within the story.
Romeo, danced by James Moore is introduced straight away, and while a beautiful man and a stunning dancer, I didn’t really feel a connection between him and his mates, although he did a nice job fawning over Rosaline, danced by Kylee Kitchens. Although, Mercutio also seemed besotted with her, which isn’t part of the story, so that was odd to see. There was lots of shoving to get her attention, including from Tybalt who also seemed to be both protective of Rosaline as well as wanting her. The choreography was uninteresting, repeats of steps over and over, and the energy seemed low for an opening night. Ugh, just boring.
Eventually all the girl slapping and play fighting in the street ends, and we land in Juliette’s bedchamber where the Nurse, delightfully danced by Margaret Mullin was draped in the ugliest costume I’ve ever seen! Ms. Mullin had wonderful acting chops, so she was somehow able to tell the story through this mammoth dress she was wearing, so good on her for that! Couldn’t have been easy.
Here we meet the one who is supposed to be the leading lady of this show, Juliette, danced by the lovely Noelani Pantastico, and the actual leading lady of this show, Lady Capulet, danced by Laura Tisserand. Seriously, Ms. Pantastico danced mere minutes in this entire scene compared to Lady Capulet, who had solo after solo in the opening scene. Mama C slinked and slithered her sexy self around the stage, and I’m telling you, girlfriend didn’t know this show ain’t about her!
Clearly the choreographer didn’t either, because the phrases created by Jean-Christophe Maillot let Ms. Tisserand dance foreeeeever throughout this scene, so I think he thinks this show is about Lady C as well. Ugh. Perhaps if they called it Lady Capulet, instead of Romeo et Juliette, I’d have liked it more!
Moving on, we get to the ball, the young lovers see each other, fall instantly in love, and try to continue to spend time together while party goers twist and turn about the stage getting in their way. Tybalt, danced by Seth Orza, constantly interrupting, Mercutio, danced by Jonathan Porretta, constantly interrupting, and Rosaline just always kind of there creates the tension. And how do they interrupt? More shoving of course. Bored! So friggin bored! And it went on forever!
And just when you think ok, we’re about to move on, nope Mama C is back on stage working her program with another solo.
Additionally, there were a lot of comedic moments in the whole first act, and it’s like, um, this is not a comedy. It’s a tragic love story. But there was a lot of sexual humor, the Nurse got it the worst. A lot of groping of her breasts by Mercutio and Benvolio that made absolutely no sense whatsoever. There was similar behavior towards the women in the street scenes. I didn’t get it, it just didn’t fit.
So enter the famous balcony scene, and by balcony I mean ramp. There was a ramp that they elevated one end to create the ‘balcony’. I didn’t hate this choice, but Romeo could actually reach Juliette, so it definitely didn’t create the feel that moment is supposed to have. And finally the tragedy of the show reveals itself in the chemistry between Mr. Moore and Ms. Pantastico. They had none. Zero. Zilch. I mean, both danced the show beautifully but I didn’t buy the relationship at all and could not connect to their journey at all. Juliette had more chemistry with the Friar during their pas de deux than she did with Romeo. Also, there was a lot more push and pull with these two, and in order for them to even get to the first kiss Juliette had to grab Romeo’s face and plant one on him, and even then he pulls away at first. It was just weird all around.
We need to get to the wedding, and I can’t remember if this next part happened before or after the wedding, but I think before, but anyway, some genius decided to toss a puppet show in the middle of the ballet. So, all the dancers in the street take a seat and watch a puppet show that literally tells the entire story of Romeo and Juliette all the way to everyone being dead. Why? Why was this necessary? Why take up about 10mins or more on this stupid puppet show. By this point, I’m so irritated, I can’t even tell you.
We eventually get to the wedding, and the Friar and acolytes are back, and the lack of chemistry still abounds between the young lovers. They marry secretly, end up in the finally going to have some sex scene, and again, rather than let the audience into an honest, innocent moment of passion and connection, right as the young lovers sit on the triangular platform this is to be their marriage bed, they both sit up straight stare out at the audience, gasp as if they can see us, and quickly pull the covers up over their heads like a pair of 6 year olds at a slumber party. Kill me now.
So the wedding has happened, and the dance goes on, blah blah blah, and we come to the scene where Mercutio and Tybalt die. I’m thinking, how is this going to happen because again, there are no weapons anywhere in sight. Is Tybalt going to shove Mercutio to death? The puppet show had a blunt bat like object, but that has yet to appear. And just like that, the cast starts moving slow motion. A random Capulet tosses Tybalt a blunt bat like object, and he hits Mercutio on the side of the head, killing him instantly. Mmmmmkay, yeah, tough to suspend my disbelief on that one. We continue in slow motion. Romeo collapses onto Mercutio, giving silent scream after silent scream. Seriously, there’s more passion in those screams from Romeo as he cradles Mercutio in his arms than any kiss he gave Juliette, just sayin’.
Eventually the silent screaming stops, and Romeo rushes for Tybalt. And by rushes I mean moves in slow motion to chase him across the stage and up the ramp that used to be Juliette’s balcony. He catches him mid-ramp, and gets him on his back and as his hands wrap around Tybalt’s neck, everything speeds up to normal speed and Romeo chokes the life out of Tybalt. This is the most brutal, violent slaying of Tybalt I’ve ever seen in any production of R&J I’ve ever seen either as a play or as a ballet. It was raw and gruesome, and given how boring the rest of the show was up to this point, I was ecstatic! I truly believed Mr. Moore in that moment of passionate rage. It was well staged and beautifully acted by both men, and it was great. It is also the last of my compliments.
Guess who arrives on the scene to have her own set of silent screams? Yep, Mama C is back, stealing any spotlight possible, and she was so in her moment, that when the music stopped, and she’s being dragged away from Tybalt’s body, you could hear her wailing. And people, I was in the first balcony and could hear her. It’s a ballet, girl, everything is supposed to be silent. I applaud being in the moment, but get it together!
Let’s fast forward through a bit: Juliet finds out about Tybalt’s death, she’s mad at Romeo, he gets banished blah blah blah, she goes to the Friar for help, yadda yadda yadda, Friar has a plan, should include poison, it doesn’t, just some magic flick of his wrist or something, I don’t know, and poof! Juliette is ‘dead’ in the tomb. And by tomb I mean another triangle shaped platform that is black, and she’s lying on it with her feet towards the bottom point.
Funeral processions starts, and Mama C arrives for another friggin solo. Whipping her hair back and forth, milking the beautiful choreography, kicking her long stunning legs all over the place, without much acknowledgement of her daughter until the end. She finally exits, and Romeo enters thinking Juliette’s dead.
Now, what should happen next , if they followed the story, is that Juliette appears dead, Romeo drinks potion to join her in death not knowing she’s only faking. She wakes up, finds his ass dead, takes his dagger and stabs herself to join him in death. That. Is. Not. What. Happened. Next.
Instead, after more silent screaming by Romeo (Mr. Moore is quite good at these by the way), he eventually slowly backs away from Juliette all the way to the very corner of the downstage right side of the stage. He’s so far down, he’s standing in the dark. The music stops, and I’m thinking, “What the fuck is he doing?” And suddenly the timpani drums begin to beat and this boy, with all the grace of a gazelle takes off running towards Juliette’s platform grave and friggin slides, penguin style sliding into the point of the triangle of the platform and impales himself and dies instantly on impact.
Yep, you read that right, I’ll give you a second to reread it to make sure you weren’t hallucinating. The boy impaled himself on the set, people!! Penguin style slide suicide! On the corner of that triangle in the pic above! It happened! And it was so stupid! WTF?!?!?
And when that happened I though to myself, “Self…if he died by triangle platform set piece, how the hell is she going to die? Cuz boyfriend does not have a dagger for her to have her ‘oh, happy dagger’ moment.” Careful what you ask.
This chick wakes up, sees Romeo there on his face, impaled on the platform, rolls him off of it, pulls a piece of red fabric from what i can only guess is his dance belt, and pulls it up and away from him only to go upstage of him on the triangle platform, and strangle herself with the red fabric that, where it’s strategically placed looks like she’s choking herself out with Romeo’s lower intestine. And the curtain drops.
I don’t know what I saw, but it was not good. I was not entertained. I was confused most of the time. I was irritated by the costumes, the hideous, god awful costumes. The set was creative and I didn’t mind the simplicity of it, but when Romeo impaled himself, penguin style, on to it, I just lost all respect for the creative team with the liberties they took with a pretty straight forward, hauntingly beautiful story.
My +1 for the night, not my beloved Random, but another friend said “I thought Romeo and Juliet was supposed to be sad. That was trying to be funny, and instead was just laughably bad.” I couldn’t agree more.
Shakespeare’s masterpiece ends with this line: Never was there a tale of more woe than that of Juliet and her Romeo. Well, for this ballet, I rewrite to say: Never was there a bigger miss and lie than PNB’s Romeo et Juliette…Le Sigh.
I give this a don’t even bother unless you want to see the story of Lady Capulet’s fantastic kicks, and laugh at the ridiculousness of Romeo impaling himself on a set piece and Juliette strangling herself with his lower intestine. Other than those three moments, it was a waste of my time.
Ciao for now,